Parti Pris: White Dogs Aren't Cute

I've been feeling down and low for 3 days now. An instant sad face in the afternoon is not anymore unusual to start my day.

I can't really think and write a fun article for my blog. I am thinking that I am going to write something fun about my weekend, but no matter how I condition myself, I just can't. Like, how I repeatedly condition my self that taking all these demanding escalation calls is going to be fun and interesting. However, I can hear in my voice how I effortly drag my energy. My throat is really starting to be painful although I am speaking as soft so my customers had to ask me significantly a lot of times to repeat myself.

Isn't that irritating? I am really trying to sound dynamic, polite and confident but they tend to really drag me down everytime they say... "I'm sorry?" "Can you repeat what you just said?" "What did you say?"

I just wanna flush myself down my chair and just be gone. Sigh!

Today in the office, I had my usual "yosi" time with Ashley, he mentioned that White Dog gives me a bad after - effect. I remember the last time, that was Ministry of Sound, I took 2 tabs of White Dog that night and 2 of another kind. If I remember it right, it was Green Capricorn. I was in an inhouse and twelve hours later, I can't help grinding and gritting my teeth , I was yelling like an angry crazy person, looking at the empty streets from a window above the condominium unit somewhere along Valero Street. I hated everyone I saw . I yell ed at them, curse d at them. I hate d the cars, I hate d the neon signs and I so hate d the huge lyceum light sign. It seems like all the lights were sucking my eyes. Especially when I saw a red light. Imagine me like being sucked by the light and my head was pulled from my eyes, and furious. My eyes widened and my mouth opened like a crazy dog. I got home at 7 pm and I still can't calm myself down. I was rolling left and right on my bed, chasing the lights, and trying hard to feel normal. But, I just couldn't at that moment. I was still clinching my fist, stretching my legs hard, feeling tired and weak, but I still felt that crazy sensation all throughout my body. I felt like ecstacy was finally taking its toll on me and I was going to die that night .

Until I could no longer breath e . The air was not going through my lungs. I was gasping. And then I could no longer move my feet and my hands. They were turning to blue. I was just crying the whole time. I was really trying to fight for my life.

I can't die tonight , i thought to myself...

There were moments, I pause d and nothing seemed to be happening. Everything was frozen and silent, and I just observed, looking at the very silent surrounding and then suddenly feeling a pain in my chest. Then, I thought, no air. I have to breath but I don't know how. I then realized that I was not breathing the whole time. I wanted to scream for help but no words were coming out of my mouth. It was just complete silence until I tried harder and harder and shouted them all out. And I cried harder, and harder that I might die tonight.

It was 4 in the morning. I finally found calmness in my self. And, I thought I didn't die. I am still alive.

Want some White Dogs?