Project Runway Philippines

Darn! When I was a small kid, I used to draw figures of girls with gowns lavishly and intricately designed. Richly colored in a sheet of newsprint red-and-blue lined elementary paper. My father though, never doubted my paper consumption.

I grew up making paper dolls and making paper dresses. It was not at all a hobby but already a part of my growing up. Until I went to high school, when identity crises could arise and proper behavior of sex roles are expected and making paper dresses is a taboo. So I stopped, but still picturing my female classmates wearing my gowns created only in my playful imagination. Ironically, I never dreamed of becoming a fashion designer. The thought of which, always overpowered that I'd rather be a policeman. My father is with the PNP, and would never agree a gay son, or if not gay, would never agree a straight fashion designer son.

Just when I thought that the passion of mine will be for keeping, my mom one day asked me to design her a dress for a wedding, and asked me to design my younger sister a gown when she turned over her crown as Munting Mutya ng Malalag. All these twists when I was first year high school. Then the community seemed to like my designs, even counselors in the local government were my avid clients. I even designed a set of attires, one time, for a local beauty pageant -- from swim wear, casual, ethnic attire, and long gown-- where all candidates wear the same design. They said to really see who stands out who.

Until came Project Runway Philippines. When I saw the add on tv, something tingled in me. Is this my moment? Is this the pivotal part of my life being the silent genius hand to stardom and fame? I'm a total broke and the screening is already on going until the 16th of this month? How in the world can I come up with my own portfolio? Where am I going to freaking get resources for the three clothes, I personally designed, and time to sew them? What I only have is my resume and my filthy passion for fashion design and beautiful clothes.

I am pretty frustrated of my self. I thought that I lack the passion and the will to seize every inch of opportunity to fulfill my aspirations. It brought me to question, whether I was born for hot dresses, fabrics and palettes, patterns and cuts, glamour and style, fame and riches, and fashion design. But fashion design has never left my imagination and even my straightest day dreaming. My hopes are still high, and the day is still young. I still believe that a milestone is still in the sketching.

I don't say auf wiedersehen, I only say uhr heraus.