Apr 2009

0040 hundred hours, I am feeling lethargic about everything -- work, boyfriend, blogging. I can sense a red blotch on my left cheek, as it rested so well on my left palm since forever. I can't seem to lay my fingers on the computer keyboard to write a piece of sunshine. My vision is always gloomy, grey, dull and damp.

I want prairies and grasslands. I want butterflies and dandelions. I want to see how the wind caresses the bromes like fur. And the sunshine, thick and abounding the earth. I missed how I pleasurably entertain myself with my own imagination, writing stories on people's faces, drafting a blog post all over the hot pink stage of a beauty pageant, documenting trivial matters on a cell phone camera and run a quick caption in thin air.

I once wished to have a chef boyfriend so I could get a taste of fancy food or fine dining cuisine. I can't afford its fancy price. When I see my man cooks in the kitchen, it is one hell of a Sean Cody, rape me Jamie Oliver.

I once wished to have an intelligent boyfriend. I wish he doesn't talk Tagalog, that he'd rather speak English than Filipino. Then, if a friend asks, "Do speak anything than English?" He would say, "Sorry, because we talk English at home." And, I will find so much pleasure looking at my friend's pathetic face on Boiling Point on MTV.

I once wished to have a spontaneous boyfriend. Someone who will elope me to Baguio City at 11 o'clock on a Friday evening. Well someone already did, so let us say Bangkok, or Macau and we will play the "question game." Whoever answers a question first, instead of asking a question after a question loses a piece of clothing. And, we will do it in a pool, of course when we are supposed to don less.

I once wished to have a boyfriend who has a stable job, hopefully someone who earns more than I do. Someone who can buy me a decent dinner, especially if he is not a chef. Someone who cancels my weeknight where-are-you-right-now, because he's busy as a beaver at work. Someone whom I will fight on text, because he has no time for me. And then he will drop by in the morning, devour my morning breath and then we will eat… pause… breakfast together. I don't want him to stay though; I want him to beg for me everyday to live with him in his studio-type condominium. And, it will be like that for a long time.

And who never wished to have a good-looking boyfriend? Screaming biceps and jerking like alive triceps, teeth so aligned nearly annoying and sweetness so extra-sweet almost phony. I'm head over heels already. Can you blame me? But, he doesn't cook; even to fry an egg, very lazy. He speaks Tagalog, and speaks Cebuano than English. He is spontaneous, spontaneously plans and spontaneously cancels a plan and whatnot; spontaneously, unpredictably annoying. Does he have a job? No. Although he drives a car, rents an expensive studio-type condominium, but worries about tomorrow's food from time to time. My boyfriend is my big irony. He is living a life so ironic to a life that I desire.

Now I stare morose at the blinking cursor, my thoughts languished into oblivion.

published on http://parteeboi.blogspot.com on Thursday, March 19, 2009

2 months ago, I said that I should remain single for at least 6 months. I said to myself that I should enjoy single life and prepare myself before getting into a new relationship.

2 months, I busied myself meeting up with guys. I spent it consuming alcohol, stoned and hopped up. I created special relationships without sexual intercourse. Platonic. Friendly. And redefined friendship with new unexpected people. It was beautiful. It was careless. It was surreal at times.

After 2 months, I found myself breaking 2 of my rules. One, "Though shall not jump into untested waters." and two, "Though shall not commit in a new relationship within 6 months."

I now officially announce, el final de mis solos días, 1 de Marzo de 2009 (the end of my single days, March 1, 2009). courtesy of babelfish.yahoo.com

1 of 2. "Though shall not commit in a new relationship within 6 months."

Saturday evening, broke, internet shop, mIRC and G4M. I was cruising on World Wide Web Avenue, an ordinary passerby, flashing my stats (24, 5'6, fair, chinito, 120 lbs, toned medium built, versa-bottom) and beaming at every prospect. Hi, send message. Ei, send message. Until I stumbled into him, fair, very healthy black hair, muscular, around my height, top and kinky. "Too good-looking for me." I remarked. Hi here is my password, send message.

It truly amazes me how the universe could conspire and drop a star on you, stardust in my case. I never thought that my charm could enchant his kind of beauty. My hair grew incessantly when he said that he had a crush on me the time he laid his eyes on me, one muzzy evening at Club Government and I was high as kite.

It took us 2 hours full of tomfooleries and sexy innuendos and 2 hours of talking in my room before the 2 hours of kama sutra cardio (my kind of workout).

2 days after, we met again. 1 week later, we decided to weave our lives with a promising love story. Thus, 1 de Marzo de 2009.

2 of 2. "Though shall not jump into untested waters."

2 months, 1 week, 2 days, 2 hours, it all happened so fast. I jumped without my wetsuit neither my goggles. I was bare. I created a splash in the water I have no idea how deep or how cold, how hot or how shallow. I plunged my heart in the unknown water without a single floater.

2 months ago, a lover left because my heart was always partial. It was never completely available not until after 2 months and 25 days that I learned that he had it 2 months and 2 weeks since we dated. I was a fool. Tears flowed over buckets and buckets of beer.

"I will never play again. I missed loving without a tinge of cynicism. I will love him like a 16 year old as soon as he arrives." I carved a promise for myself in the tombstone of my old self.

2 months, I committed to someone. 2 days after, 2 revelations flattered and spun my world numerous 360's. One, he confessed the sad reality about his life in general and number two confession, WE ARE TWO, I AM NUMBER TWO.

Long pause...

2 days ago before we became official, he asked me this question, "Would you settle for the second best?"

I verified, "What do you mean?" His eyes looking at the sparkling fountain water in the twilight, trying to muster all the right words. "Would you settle being a number two?" he restated. Without any hint of suspicions I spoke my mind, "Of course not. Why would I even settle for someone taken? The ocean is full of fishes. I deserve better than that." And our squinting eyes met. "What if you love the person and you are happy?" he pried. Our stares became gluey as caramel. I looked at the fountain scintillating with the lights beneath the water and pouted my lips showing my uncertainty, "Uhm... I think I would. I don't know, maybe I'll cross the bridge when I get there, probably." My tone and my left eyebrow rose, unsure.

2 months, 2 rules broken, 2 days, 2 hours, 2 revelations, 2 weeks later, I am NUMBER 2.

published on http://www.parteeboi.blogspot.com on Friday, March 6, 2009