Dec 2008

Hay naku. Bakit sobrang apektado ako sa lahat ng ginagawa ni Guy 1. Hindi naman ako ganito dati e. Kahit ano, go lang. Kung ayaw niya, sige… Kung gusto niya ng ganito… sige… Kung ayaw ko, ayaw ko, wala akong pakialam. Siya, lahat may ibig sabihin. Ngayon kaya, anong may ibig sabihin para sa kanya sa mga ginagawa ko? Hindi ko na mafigure out. Oo, sabi niya mahal niya ako. Huwag daw akong mag-alala. Ok. Pero hindi e, araw-araw nalang akong ganito. Parang sira, praning, sobrang praning. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, I shouldn’t care much. Kung anong meron go lang, and explore. Marami nama diyang ready na magbigay sa akin ng atensyon. Pero I can’t fucking help it. Gusto ko siya, siya, siya. Siya nalang parati kong iniisip. Unfair, unfair talaga. Iniisip niya ba ako ng madalas? Naiintindihan niya ba kung gaano kahirap ‘tong nararamdaman ko? Or, does he even know na nahihirapan ako?

Napaka-insecure ko. I should be secure about myself. It is one thing I am looking for a partner. Yong tipong, kahit anong sitwasyon, he knows that I am just around, and I will not wander around. Bakit di ko na kayang gawin yon? Well, siguro kaya ko naman, kaya lang bakit nahihirapan na akong magcare less? Why the hell I care a fucking lot?

Bwisit. Lintik talaga yang pag-ibig na yan. Bwisit. Bakit di nalang ako gawing masaya? Ang daming beses ko nang nasaktan. P ng I di mo na ba ako tatantanan? Ano pa bang kailangan kong matutunan? Pakshet lang talaga. Bwisit.

I don’t know anymore if I could ever bring back the old Guy 1. He has been less thoughtful and less needy of me. It is painful.

Guess what. I am doomed. I have fallen in love, to Guy 1. But the big question is does he love me as much? I have been trying to decipher the big mystery lately, but I am until now unsuccessful. I don’t want to think that am just denying that Guy 1 doesn’t really love me. I don’t know if I can handle that right now. I have been in pain and so I am giving my heart its truly deserved slack.

We finally went out after a big quarrel, two weeks of not seeing Guy 1. It is frustrating, but I don’t want to be hurt right now, not now. So I am just painstakingly savoring myself with the little love and attention that Guy 1 is giving me. I never ever thought that I am going to end up like this, with Guy 1. With Guy 1, everything is so unpredictable. You will never know the right time for almost everything. At the start, I expressively confessed to him that I am not in any way interested with his commitment. But it didn’t shut him down

It was like that for 3 months. But fate has its very playful way of making one person realize the truth. I only realized that Guy 1 is not just some guy, when I finally saw that he can get tired of my whims and my selfishness.

I cried, and had gotten extremely melancholic of his presence. And finally, I realized that he had actually already stolen my heart long before. And frankly, I don’t know what he is doing with it right now.

I am so empty, but happy --empty because I lost my heart, but happy because I am in love.

I still have hopes that WE could work. I think it is my turn to prove myself to him.

Right now, I will fight for my love. And, we will see later where this is going to bring me.

I LOVE YOU!

P.S. I learned that I love you, because I can now tell the whole world that I love you. If only I could wear a tag that says, I love PJAA, and I don’t care what you say.

It was our Christmas Party last December 7, 2008. It was a lot of fun!!! Like to the max fun!!! I had a blast. I never expected our party to be that spectacular! The theme for this year’s party is Broadway, and so every department will present a 10-minute production of their chosen Broadway play. Of course, I’m part of our department’s number. I was one of the dancers. Our Broadway presentation was Mamma Mia. Here is the best part, we won second place. Our big bosses were so impressed that we are going to perform again for the big bosses’ Christmas party on Monday at Intramuros. I am so excited.

In every event, my most favorite part is the outfit. I almost spent all my 13th month pay for my outfit. It was an outfit I painstakingly sought for 12 hours of walking, and reserving, and analyzing, and a lot of fitting. It was horrible. But, it was all worth it.

After the party, we went to Tiananmen and drank our livers out. Then we spotted this guy in the corner and we thought that the guy was gay. And these naughty officemates of mine dared me to get the guy’s number for no prize. I was deceived. Anyway, I texted the guy and he was so polite, only to know that he is straight. He was only being nice and polite through our texting because he wants to ask for my girlfriend’s number. Asa pa xa.

Picture... picture...

Here are my girlfriends -- Mai, Me, and Mae

Me and True Friend Mae

This was during our Mamma Mia number, nasaan ako? Ahehehe.

Eto ang mga DIET Trainers, hindi talaga sila ganyan sa totoong buhay. Kulang pa yan ng dangling earrings at red wine. Hehehe. Normal day lang yong ganun.

Lasing na ako. Dami champagne, wine and beer. Sarap!

Nawawala yong name tag ko. Nasa floor na pala.

The amerikana in the center is our CEO, Theresa Hartsaw. Tatlong beses siyang nagbihis that night.

Partee on at Tiananmen!

Hanapin niyo yong crush ko. Ahehe. Pre-party.

Si Leah ang may pinakamalaking susu sa DIET. May pangalan sila, si Lala (right) at si Lulu (left). Si Russ, bading.

At eto yong tumalo samen. Lion King. May broadway pala na ganun?