I want prairies and grasslands. I want butterflies and dandelions. I want to see how the wind caresses the bromes like fur. And the sunshine, thick and abounding the earth. I missed how I pleasurably entertain myself with my own imagination, writing stories on people's faces, drafting a blog post all over the hot pink stage of a beauty pageant, documenting trivial matters on a cell phone camera and run a quick caption in thin air.

I once wished to have a chef boyfriend so I could get a taste of fancy food or fine dining cuisine. I can't afford its fancy price. When I see my man cooks in the kitchen, it is one hell of a Sean Cody, rape me Jamie Oliver.

I once wished to have an intelligent boyfriend. I wish he doesn't talk Tagalog, that he'd rather speak English than Filipino. Then, if a friend asks, "Do speak anything than English?" He would say, "Sorry, because we talk English at home." And, I will find so much pleasure looking at my friend's pathetic face on Boiling Point on MTV.

I once wished to have a spontaneous boyfriend. Someone who will elope me to Baguio City at 11 o'clock on a Friday evening. Well someone already did, so let us say Bangkok, or Macau and we will play the "question game." Whoever answers a question first, instead of asking a question after a question loses a piece of clothing. And, we will do it in a pool, of course when we are supposed to don less.

I once wished to have a boyfriend who has a stable job, hopefully someone who earns more than I do. Someone who can buy me a decent dinner, especially if he is not a chef. Someone who cancels my weeknight where-are-you-right-now, because he's busy as a beaver at work. Someone whom I will fight on text, because he has no time for me. And then he will drop by in the morning, devour my morning breath and then we will eat… pause… breakfast together. I don't want him to stay though; I want him to beg for me everyday to live with him in his studio-type condominium. And, it will be like that for a long time.

And who never wished to have a good-looking boyfriend? Screaming biceps and jerking like alive triceps, teeth so aligned nearly annoying and sweetness so extra-sweet almost phony. I'm head over heels already. Can you blame me? But, he doesn't cook; even to fry an egg, very lazy. He speaks Tagalog, and speaks Cebuano than English. He is spontaneous, spontaneously plans and spontaneously cancels a plan and whatnot; spontaneously, unpredictably annoying. Does he have a job? No. Although he drives a car, rents an expensive studio-type condominium, but worries about tomorrow's food from time to time. My boyfriend is my big irony. He is living a life so ironic to a life that I desire.

Now I stare morose at the blinking cursor, my thoughts languished into oblivion.

published on http://parteeboi.blogspot.com on Thursday, March 19, 2009

Boyfriend Irony remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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2 months ago, I said that I should remain single for at least 6 months. I said to myself that I should enjoy single life and prepare myself before getting into a new relationship.

2 months, I busied myself meeting up with guys. I spent it consuming alcohol, stoned and hopped up. I created special relationships without sexual intercourse. Platonic. Friendly. And redefined friendship with new unexpected people. It was beautiful. It was careless. It was surreal at times.

After 2 months, I found myself breaking 2 of my rules. One, "Though shall not jump into untested waters." and two, "Though shall not commit in a new relationship within 6 months."

I now officially announce, el final de mis solos días, 1 de Marzo de 2009 (the end of my single days, March 1, 2009). courtesy of babelfish.yahoo.com

1 of 2. "Though shall not commit in a new relationship within 6 months."

Saturday evening, broke, internet shop, mIRC and G4M. I was cruising on World Wide Web Avenue, an ordinary passerby, flashing my stats (24, 5'6, fair, chinito, 120 lbs, toned medium built, versa-bottom) and beaming at every prospect. Hi, send message. Ei, send message. Until I stumbled into him, fair, very healthy black hair, muscular, around my height, top and kinky. "Too good-looking for me." I remarked. Hi here is my password, send message.

It truly amazes me how the universe could conspire and drop a star on you, stardust in my case. I never thought that my charm could enchant his kind of beauty. My hair grew incessantly when he said that he had a crush on me the time he laid his eyes on me, one muzzy evening at Club Government and I was high as kite.

It took us 2 hours full of tomfooleries and sexy innuendos and 2 hours of talking in my room before the 2 hours of kama sutra cardio (my kind of workout).

2 days after, we met again. 1 week later, we decided to weave our lives with a promising love story. Thus, 1 de Marzo de 2009.

2 of 2. "Though shall not jump into untested waters."

2 months, 1 week, 2 days, 2 hours, it all happened so fast. I jumped without my wetsuit neither my goggles. I was bare. I created a splash in the water I have no idea how deep or how cold, how hot or how shallow. I plunged my heart in the unknown water without a single floater.

2 months ago, a lover left because my heart was always partial. It was never completely available not until after 2 months and 25 days that I learned that he had it 2 months and 2 weeks since we dated. I was a fool. Tears flowed over buckets and buckets of beer.

"I will never play again. I missed loving without a tinge of cynicism. I will love him like a 16 year old as soon as he arrives." I carved a promise for myself in the tombstone of my old self.

2 months, I committed to someone. 2 days after, 2 revelations flattered and spun my world numerous 360's. One, he confessed the sad reality about his life in general and number two confession, WE ARE TWO, I AM NUMBER TWO.

Long pause...

2 days ago before we became official, he asked me this question, "Would you settle for the second best?"

I verified, "What do you mean?" His eyes looking at the sparkling fountain water in the twilight, trying to muster all the right words. "Would you settle being a number two?" he restated. Without any hint of suspicions I spoke my mind, "Of course not. Why would I even settle for someone taken? The ocean is full of fishes. I deserve better than that." And our squinting eyes met. "What if you love the person and you are happy?" he pried. Our stares became gluey as caramel. I looked at the fountain scintillating with the lights beneath the water and pouted my lips showing my uncertainty, "Uhm... I think I would. I don't know, maybe I'll cross the bridge when I get there, probably." My tone and my left eyebrow rose, unsure.

2 months, 2 rules broken, 2 days, 2 hours, 2 revelations, 2 weeks later, I am NUMBER 2.

published on http://www.parteeboi.blogspot.com on Friday, March 6, 2009

2 remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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I lay motionless as catatonic in a fluffy chair that I rest. My arms oblivious on the arm chair. My hands dangle and my fingers stiff as if tugging with gravity. My head on my right shoulder, vacuous like a pumpkin, dead as a ten-pin ball. My hair covers my eyes, all left is a gaping mouth, lips lined with dryness and wafts poison. All that is animate and breathes life is a fly buzzing out from my esophagus. I am wearing my best shirt. Checkered of brown, white and beige, 6 brownish-pearly buttons, white glowing undershirt. And just a piece of blue jeans not very unique. My feet like of a marionette untied, toes all point to the right.

"Who killed me? Why did I die?" I examine myself sullenly from mid-air, my past. The cold corpse, my past.

I look at the horizon where the chair and my body are seated, earth carpet of wild flowers and breeze palpable with dapples of florets of dandelions. The stretch is wider than my vision, whites, greens, and pastels. I descended down to my own corpse, attempts of contact fail. Yes, I am a wraith, not even an odor neither dew.

I Died remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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There is a certain high from not wearing underwear. It is very masculine and boyish.

I had a long trip from Cavite back to Makati. The sun was up and scorching and dust was irritating my eyes. I was feeling a little dizzy, hung over and dehydrated. But I didn’t care, I was feeling so carefree and nonchalantly sexy. I was enjoying the high in every moment on my way home.

I was a gangster as I changed bus in the bustling Baclaran.

I was whistling a tune as I find my way through the labyrinth of Buendia MRT Station crossing EDSA to get my jeepney ride to Makati Avenue.

I in fact never cared if there was a pendulum beneath my black Roxy board shorts, when I noticed a female passerby glancing at my crotch area. And so, I noticed those two pretty red laces hanging in front of my fly and bouncing off on my both legs.

I got off at Petron in the corner of Buendia and Makati Avenue. Even without my ipod I was walking to the beat of an imaginary house tune.

I decided to grab a smoothie at Treats to quench my parching mouth. As I entered the store I noticed the very warm yet very erotic smile of this gay attendant. I thought it was flattering. “Sir, wala pong The Big Chill today.” With that remark, I headed to the huge cooler and grabbed a Zest-O apple juice and a pack of Marlboro Lights by the counter.

A pack of apple juice in my left hand and a stick between my right fingers, a black back pack accessory, a vintage grey top, the wind in my hair and my uber low-waisted black Roxy board shorts… I was in a different dimension. “I am a bad-ass, pretty boy, straight-guy-girl-magnet, smirking at you baby. Pizzazz!”

published on http://www.parteeboi.blogspot.com on Monday, February 9, 2009

Bare Epiphany remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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But my heart will not be silenced and I am not to become lovelorned.

I am young and I am pretty sure that my days are still endless like the ocean. I know that one of those sometimes calm and sometimes rough days, like how the ocean survives a storm and goes with its low and high tides, that at the end of every storm and passersby crossing on its surface, someone will dive into my deep and I can remain calm in his arms.

posted on http://www.parteeboi.blogspot.com on Tuesday, February 24, 2009

And Yet Another Broken Heart remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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A bleep ended his slumber. He reaches for his phone, leaving a slope in his pillow and supports his body with his right elbow. Hazy, his vision adjusting to the light and reads a message from his boyfirend.

"Mi, papartee ata kami later with Layla and Kim. Si Kim may kasama daw na cute guy."

He slumps his head back to his pillow and sighs. He frowns. His thoughts start revving from dormancy. He doesn't trust his gut, looking for a better reaction than irked. Finally, he says, busies his fingers, dials an infinite phone number which reads,

"OK. U behave Di, you know may asawa ka na. :-)"

He rested his phone on his chest, raising simultaneousy with his breathing. Too toot. Raises his phone, a silhoutte of himself mirrors in the screen, presses the asterisk and the OK buttons and the screen glows with a whitish light. The message says,

"Mi, chinito pa yong fren ni Kim. :-). Di ka selos?"

His reply reeking with jealousy and anger, knowing how his boyfriend fancies chinese-looking guys.

"Should I?"

Waiting for some comfort, he did not get anything but, "Hmpf!"

Him: Well, yeah, I am a lil bit jelous. But I should trust you ryt? Can I trust you with this?

Boyfriend: Oo naman. Pero ano talaga nararamdaman mo? Tell me.

Him: Nanginginig na ako sa galit.

Boyfriend: Huh? Mi, wag ka na selos please. :-(

Him: OK. I trust you, have fun! :-)

Boyfriend: Ewan ko sayo, di ka na nagseselos. Di mo ako love. Tampo na Dadi.

Him: OK. If you wanna have fun and partee, I'm letting you. If you want me to get jealous, well I am jealous. In fact, I am just consciously convincing myself that I shouldn't because you love me. What else do you wanna hear?

Boyfriend: :-(

Now, he is totally confused.

He is fumbling with his reasons. He can't draw any logic to untangle the knots of obfuscation. His head has hollowed again, all he hears is the whistling breeze of a wasteland.

He is trying to justify if he is entitled of his jealosuy. Yes. He is feeling jealous, but it is a kind of jealousy that trust can resolve. He feels that he owes it to his boyfriend, to put trust before jealousy.

So he did.

But it seems like it isn't what his boyfriend needs from him. His boyfriend wants him to be jealous. And so he gives in.

Now he hates himself. He loathes the idea that he had to bottle up his feelings so it appears pleasant to his boyfriend's tasting. He abhors his cowardice to lose an asshole-in-the-making boyfriend. He is turning to be placatory, when he used to think he is a princess. Like a candle lighting a match.

posted on http://www.parteeboi.blogspot.com on Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Prank Me Jealousy remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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I woke up today with three shiny and huge zits on my face. I just stood up in front my mirror looking sternly at the three zits with so much fury and concern. They seemed to look like a certain constellation called "Shame." Then I caught myself teary-eyed, with no exaggeration. A pang of so much panic struck me. I've started thinking of buying a tube of Panoxyl, or a tube St. Ives Blemish Control Apricot Scrub. I thought my Clean and Clear Active Clear no longer does the trick. Simultaneously, I thought of a Pimple Treatment Facial at Let's Face It, or a P100.00 pimple shot at Forever Flawless, or see a dermatologist and spend a lot of money despite my financial plight. I was so scared.

I took my regular Landmark jeepney going to work. By the vehicle's entrance I noticed this very fair and cute guy who sat near the entranceway and thought of sitting next to him so the wind won't ruin my do. He was facing towards the front and faced towards the rear as I entered his vision. He seemed to be avoiding the sight of me.

I felt so bad about myself and I can see my self-esteem rolling on the floor. I want to pick it up but I'd rather stay motionless and feeling too conscious of getting more attention.

I rested my eyes on this yellow sticker. It says, "Jojo Binay the next president." For a second, I fleetly forgot my pimples, I was baffled with what I have just read and I was busy with my thoughts.

The idea was readily repulsing. I haven't imagined Binay ruling the country, but happy that Binay is Mayor of Makati. I never imagined anyone sitting in his seat. I thought Binay is the only Mayor Makati should ever have. The yellow sticker didn't seem to be strange at all, it is slowly making sense and finally replaced GMA with my idea of a president (of the Philippines, Obama is my ultimate idea of a president). It is not a bad idea after all. That sticker which reminds me of Cory Aquino was sold on me.

To me, my pimples represent poverty, corruption, flanking literacy, famine, unemployment, you name it. In a country full of uncertainty and skepticism, one should decide a remedy. If I will buy my self a tube of Jojo Binay to heal my pimples, I am hoping, and I am sure many are hoping too, that my pimples will disappear and will give back my face its deserved beauty to face the world with such pride and glory.

"Only Belo touches my skin. Who are you?" Rhona Parker, Gay and Friend

posted on http://www.parteeboi.blogspot.com on Thursday, February 19, 2009

Acne Epiphany remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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I am excited.

1. I went home. After two years, I saw my family again-- my mom, my dad, my sister, my grandparents, cousins and my old friends. At first it was awkward, I don't know, I have become into a different person, I felt like I am so different from them. But as I spend my last days with them, I was back to my old self. It was refreshing. Few worries, all laughs and everything seems so carefree. I miss my family so much.

2. My salary loan will be fully paid this month.

3. I am single again and I'm back to the market. Now I just need to polish the goods. It means more boys. Ahehehe.

4. I have a job and I am no longer an agent. I am now a trainer.

5. My ipod just got updated. Look at my cover flow now, they're all so pretty.

6. Another year and another chance to get better.

Counting Blessings remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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Hay naku. Bakit sobrang apektado ako sa lahat ng ginagawa ni Guy 1. Hindi naman ako ganito dati e. Kahit ano, go lang. Kung ayaw niya, sige… Kung gusto niya ng ganito… sige… Kung ayaw ko, ayaw ko, wala akong pakialam. Siya, lahat may ibig sabihin. Ngayon kaya, anong may ibig sabihin para sa kanya sa mga ginagawa ko? Hindi ko na mafigure out. Oo, sabi niya mahal niya ako. Huwag daw akong mag-alala. Ok. Pero hindi e, araw-araw nalang akong ganito. Parang sira, praning, sobrang praning. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, I shouldn’t care much. Kung anong meron go lang, and explore. Marami nama diyang ready na magbigay sa akin ng atensyon. Pero I can’t fucking help it. Gusto ko siya, siya, siya. Siya nalang parati kong iniisip. Unfair, unfair talaga. Iniisip niya ba ako ng madalas? Naiintindihan niya ba kung gaano kahirap ‘tong nararamdaman ko? Or, does he even know na nahihirapan ako?

Napaka-insecure ko. I should be secure about myself. It is one thing I am looking for a partner. Yong tipong, kahit anong sitwasyon, he knows that I am just around, and I will not wander around. Bakit di ko na kayang gawin yon? Well, siguro kaya ko naman, kaya lang bakit nahihirapan na akong magcare less? Why the hell I care a fucking lot?

Bwisit. Lintik talaga yang pag-ibig na yan. Bwisit. Bakit di nalang ako gawing masaya? Ang daming beses ko nang nasaktan. P ng I di mo na ba ako tatantanan? Ano pa bang kailangan kong matutunan? Pakshet lang talaga. Bwisit.

Pag-ibig: Bwisit remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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Less remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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Guess what. I am doomed. I have fallen in love, to Guy 1. But the big question is does he love me as much? I have been trying to decipher the big mystery lately, but I am until now unsuccessful. I don’t want to think that am just denying that Guy 1 doesn’t really love me. I don’t know if I can handle that right now. I have been in pain and so I am giving my heart its truly deserved slack.

We finally went out after a big quarrel, two weeks of not seeing Guy 1. It is frustrating, but I don’t want to be hurt right now, not now. So I am just painstakingly savoring myself with the little love and attention that Guy 1 is giving me. I never ever thought that I am going to end up like this, with Guy 1. With Guy 1, everything is so unpredictable. You will never know the right time for almost everything. At the start, I expressively confessed to him that I am not in any way interested with his commitment. But it didn’t shut him down

It was like that for 3 months. But fate has its very playful way of making one person realize the truth. I only realized that Guy 1 is not just some guy, when I finally saw that he can get tired of my whims and my selfishness.

I cried, and had gotten extremely melancholic of his presence. And finally, I realized that he had actually already stolen my heart long before. And frankly, I don’t know what he is doing with it right now.

I am so empty, but happy --empty because I lost my heart, but happy because I am in love.

I still have hopes that WE could work. I think it is my turn to prove myself to him.

Right now, I will fight for my love. And, we will see later where this is going to bring me.

I LOVE YOU!

P.S. I learned that I love you, because I can now tell the whole world that I love you. If only I could wear a tag that says, I love PJAA, and I don’t care what you say.

P. J. Aquino A. remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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In every event, my most favorite part is the outfit. I almost spent all my 13th month pay for my outfit. It was an outfit I painstakingly sought for 12 hours of walking, and reserving, and analyzing, and a lot of fitting. It was horrible. But, it was all worth it.

After the party, we went to Tiananmen and drank our livers out. Then we spotted this guy in the corner and we thought that the guy was gay. And these naughty officemates of mine dared me to get the guy’s number for no prize. I was deceived. Anyway, I texted the guy and he was so polite, only to know that he is straight. He was only being nice and polite through our texting because he wants to ask for my girlfriend’s number. Asa pa xa.

Picture... picture...

Here are my girlfriends -- Mai, Me, and Mae

Me and True Friend Mae

This was during our Mamma Mia number, nasaan ako? Ahehehe.

Eto ang mga DIET Trainers, hindi talaga sila ganyan sa totoong buhay. Kulang pa yan ng dangling earrings at red wine. Hehehe. Normal day lang yong ganun.

Lasing na ako. Dami champagne, wine and beer. Sarap!

Nawawala yong name tag ko. Nasa floor na pala.

The amerikana in the center is our CEO, Theresa Hartsaw. Tatlong beses siyang nagbihis that night.

Partee on at Tiananmen!

Hanapin niyo yong crush ko. Ahehe. Pre-party.

Si Leah ang may pinakamalaking susu sa DIET. May pangalan sila, si Lala (right) at si Lulu (left). Si Russ, bading.

At eto yong tumalo samen. Lion King. May broadway pala na ganun?

Red and Black Ball remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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Hi December. Welcome!

I am not ok. Again, crying… Why is it so hard to love? Or, even to figure out myself? Who am I? My relationships are wrecks because I don’t know what I want and I don’t know sometimes if I am even capable.

I’m crying about Guy 1. Is this karma? It was my sub-conscious plan to play with him. Keep it real and tough, make him beg for monogamy, but look at me now… I am crying… I am hurting…

Do I love Guy 1? At the time when, maybe, I am going to lose him? I am not ready… I have been hurting Guy 1 and now he is full of my shit.

He walked out on me, expressed all his dismay. I have been complaining to myself that I am always frustrated. Or, was I just expecting too much? I have been a bitch. I was in my bitchiest. I thought he is just disposable. But, he isn’t.

Now I’m hurting. Now I’m crying. Now I’m confused. I am so pathetic.

Look at me… All by myself… Emotional… Sipping a tall glass of vodka. I am hurting myself. I am just helpless. I have no one now… I am alone.

I just checked my phone… He texted… He said, “Sleep tyt babe luv u…” I don’t know what to say anymore… Sobbing is all that I can do. It seems like the only thing that I am capable of right now. I didn’t know that I have these lots of tears to cry.

Maybe he doesn’t realize how I am hurting right now.

December Tear remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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Yey! I have a 2009 Starbucks Planner already. I got it as a gift for my birthday. Paul gave it to me. No matter how, in a way, hated, in a way, my birthday I got one of the things that I want this year on my birthday.

My 2009 Planner remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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It was Pope Clement 1 day in the Roman Catholic Calendar of Saints; Alexander Nevsky's feast day in the Russian Orthodox Church; St. George's Day in Georgia; Kinro kansha no hi (Labour Thanksgiving Day) in Japan; Rudolf Maister Day in Slovenia; and it was my BIRTHDAY yesterday! How time runs fast. Look at my BIRTHDAY last year.

It turned out well, not that totally eventful. I had to ask people to greet me. I had to ask people to have a drink with me. I had to ask for everything. But, nevertheless, I am grateful that it didn't become a total disaster. But, I didn't get a cake, I didn't get a massive greeting, and I didn't get that much presents. All in all, it was ok.

I woke up at 11 p.m., the day before and I felt a very lonely. So I went to Timog to meet Paul and some friends. We went to a bar called "Butterfly" owned by one of Paul's friends and there was a fight so we ended early. I thought, I only finished a bottle so I invited them to go to Malate and I finished another 3 bottles of beer at O Bar. Guy 1 and Guy 2 were there.

Cliff cooked "tinolang manok" after we woke up. It was sumptuous. In the afternoon, I went to church with Paul. I prayed and thanked Him for another wonderful year. Then we watched a movie, "Burn After Reading" at Greenbelt 3. I know it was funny and maybe it could have been interesting if I didn't fall asleep. Maybe because of my medication. I was sick on my birthday. But, I ate, for the first time, a "Beach Muscle" hotdog. It was yummy.

I am 25 and I don't feel young anymore. I thought I experienced a sudden paradigm shift. I thought I view life so differently now. I saw this rent-to-own condo unit for 7K monthly amortization through Pag-ibig with a 30-year term and I can't believe I spent a generous amount of time thinking, if should get myself a condo unit already. I thought I am really getting old.

Although, I thank God for those people who had really find time to greet me. You all made my day! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Happy Birthday to Me.

November 23 remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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Not my year… totally not my year.

I reap the wastes of my negligence and my stupid charade. I suffer extremely. I almost give up. But hey, I still stand. I recollect, introspect, rationalize and realize all my misfortunes and shortcomings. I had a blast of shameful demeanors and inglorious habits in my 2007. It is payback time.

Am I ready? Not really, but I will make it through.

The year is almost over and I am very positive that my 2009 will be a different one. I will become more responsible, more reasonable, wiser, braver and better.

I know I am resilient, so I don’t worry if I cry. I am capable of bringing back the balance as the new year commences. I stand strong.

I will be stronger for myself, for my family and for the people who look up to me. I will inspire them more and will continuously do so.

I am Juber, and I will fight.

2008 remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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I have trust issues. I don’t trust the people around me anymore. I always think that I am at the losing side. I am the deceived, the unwanted and the least important.

Only sometimes, I am awarded with a little consolation. They befriend me, the euphemize (a lot), they think I am very fragile and has very puny threshold to criticism, anger, rejection and blunt confrontation. And, I think I am.

I feel that I now control only a meager part of my sanity. I am a big fat paranoid. I am always scared, I am always helpless. Those situations that I thought I have survived from are in absoluteness, irrelevant and shallow.

Why do I think of myself this way? I still want to do a lot of things, especially good ones. I want to do things that could make a positive change; a change that is visible in the many; something worthwhile and truly noble. However, am I really capable of executing such desires? Do I have the capability and the strength? I think of myself so feebly. My self-regard is beyond the abyss of the pit of inferiority. And, I can’t help it.

Am I insane? I don’t want to go crazy. I still want to do good deeds. But, how am I going to carry those things out if my sanity has given up? How?

I will pray to God, that He will give me enough courage and confidence to continue with my life righteously. I want to do it; I am very eager and passionate.

So help me God. Help me realize that these are just trials. Help me believe that I am still capable, and I still can fight.

My Sanity remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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Our instructors were “salivatingly” tall, dark and so masculine. They taught us how to properly use a fire extinguisher and taught us the differences between different fire extinguishers. I didn’t know that fire extinguishers come in different colors, and can specifically extinguish different classes of fire. Fire by the way are classified into four kinds, and they are called class A, B, C and D. I already forgot the differences, but I learned that the green tank is the best; it can extinguish all sorts of fire and is environment friendly.

This is me in action. Bagay ba? Baklang fireman. Hehehe.

But girls, here is the best part. Na-try niyo na bang mag-rappel? It was the best. I rappelled down from the 6th floor of the Pacific Star Building. Hanep to the nth level. Tingnan niyo ako o. Hehehe.

One thing I didn’t like about it though is that, felix bakat kung felix bakat girl. Pero keri, may mas bakat pa sa aken. Parang may fetus na nakalambitin. Pero siyempre, dapat kunware kebs, but girl, the sight was dirturbingly lingering. Sayang di ko napicturan si kuya.

Another interesting thing, firemen breathe from the nozzle of the fire hose. When the room gets smoky and the fire consumes all the oxygen in the room, the oxygen released from the pressurized water is the one they inhale to be able to breathe. Look at this picture, guess what, I'm breathing the fireman's musk. Sarap!

Ito yong fireman, ang name niya ay si Vic. Yong nasa far right. Go titig go!

Firegay remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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Haay! I have a problem. I am again torn between two guys. Please don't call me a flirt. Hehehe. I need your advice because this is giving me a lot of stress already. Gosh.

Guy 1. I knew him from a friend, a different kind of friend. He is 27 and works as an accountant in a bank. His family is in the United States and his living with friends here. We were dating for a month now, like regularly. And because I'm always broke, so he spends most of the time. I hate it, but broke lang talaga ako. Hindi naman pwedeng magpanggap na marame akong pera, mahirap din yon. Haaay... At first I didn't really like this guy so much, but when he, out of the blue invited me to go to Baguio one Friday night. We were at Rufo's with my officemates, I was so thrilled and flattered. He is one heck of a spontaneous guy, and I so like it. The Baguio trip was to die for, I had a lot of fun. He was the most caring and the sweetest guy in the face of the planet. Damn it! I was like a little girl, haaay… nakaka-melt. Talagang feeling ko babae lang ako. He is all the way straight acting, he dresses up so well, smells so good, speaks English well and he doesn’t like to fight. So perfect, although he is not that really good looking, but he is presentable if you know what I mean. HINDI SIYA PANGIT, ok!

Guy 2. I met him last night at O Bar. Gosh! He is good looking, super cute and also very manly. I actually thought he is not going to text me at all, but he did, in fact, he keeps on telling me to take care of myself. Which I asked, why the hell does he keep on telling me to take care of myself. I wondered if I look careless, but he said, “You don’t look careless, you look fragile.” He is 22, and is working in a call center. I think he is funny and I think he is a top. Hmm… When we were at the bar, I was so drunk I was kissing another guy and dancing with him when I saw guy 2 staring back at me, and after some few more stares are some snickers and then a hi-my-name-is-Juber. So I left the other not so significant guy in the corner. And we talked and talked and I said, “Why don’t you kiss me?” I was drunk , ok. He said, “I wanna kiss you when you are sober.” HUH?! Kinikilig naman puke ko. He doesn’t smoke. For now, yon lang ang alam ko sa kanya. Sabi niya, for sure I am going to see him again and he said he wants to be with me.

I’m so confused. Minsan, sabay sabay pa magtext si guy 1 at si guy 2. What should I do?

Guy 1 and Guy 2 remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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Few weeks ago, I've reunited with a long lost friend of mine. He never changed; he is still this all-metrosexual homosexual like I knew him before. It felt weird when I knew that he is in town. We had a very ugly past, and all left unresolved when he moved for Cebu. I've never really dwelled on bitterness like, I guess, not most of us would do. I dread to just want forget about it; even our friendship was not able to prevent it from happening. And it all happened. He literally ousted me in our rented apartment. One morning, without fair cautionary, another housemate was already lying in my space of the bed. It was literally, belittling, but it did not kill my spirit. So, I moved out. It was like I was a border yesterday, but no longer today.

So that was our past, we were able to settle all those with two buckets of beer and a saucer of peanuts. The moment that he asked for an apology, I didn't feel its necessity anymore. We are good.

Astonishingly, we were both keeping a very dark secret after we parted. We both stumbled in our own lives, probably, the hardest ones. It was his promiscuity and it was my loneliness and my deception to a "happy" lifestyle.

Then suddenly, he said that I need to learn to be independent. The moment I separated from home, that was when I was in high school, I thought that I was already being independent. When I went to college, I had my own rented place. When I had my first job, I stopped asking money from my parents. Then, I travelled away from Davao and found job here in Makati. I am right now very far from my family and seldom see them. I've been here for four years and I had only visited my family twice. However, what I didn't see was, I always live with a friend, with a boyfriend, or with officemates. Did I really become fully independent? I guess not.

Being dependent though, doesn't necessarily mean that you're living with someone else. I asked myself, if my housemates weren't there, would I have survived? And then I started to question my independence.

Happy Independence Day!

Independence remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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Thanks Ate Perez for the pic!!!

Or, what about John Mayer to be all that laid back and serious looking? Now look again!

Beauty in Ugly is no My Stupid Mouth remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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It's been a while, and I have no good things to say. Sad. Pretty much, all I am right now are regrets and don't-lose-faith-everything-will-end. I am not totally unhappy, despite my great misfortune, some things could still cheer me up and uplift my spirit.

But, looking to where I formerly belong and formerly with. I am obviously losing them, not because it is what I want neither their's, but because, maybe it is what they've realized to be best for me and more importantly for them. I am not expressing anger or indignation. I see the point in where things are going but it is not easy. It is very hard. Moving on is never easy.

San na Kayo? remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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Hi,

By accident, I found your blog on travellerspoint.com. I was searching for call center bloopers and your blog showed up on the search results. What got me interested to read your entries is the fact that I work also for PS and am assigned to .com sales on 5th floor. Secondary to that is your name- parteeboi, which sort of I can relate to. However, unlike you, I'm not into clubbing for socializing, but rather for the love of club music. I grew up listening to electronic music and have worked for six and a half years as a club DJ in Bicol prior to joining PS. I rarely go into clubs here in MM, but I do know personally a lot of clubbers and some of the popular club DJs here. Your addiction to ecstacy is, of course, very common in the club scene, and that's what I am quite sad about. There are reasons why people are hooked to it, and I'm sure you got yours. I just hope you get over it because life is much sweeter without drugs. Try to get high with just the music alone. I once popped a couple of it in a secret party I played for in a remote beach in Bicol, but I did not like it any bit and have sworn never to try it again. Besides, I could not have supported such an addiction because I have my wife and kid to spend my earnings on. On that light, let me just mention that some of the former ecstacy addicts I know, conquered their addiction by starting a stable relationship. Again, life is much sweeter without drugs.

minimalhouseaddict

• **

Hi minimalhouseaddict,

Thanks for this message. It is very sweet of you. I was so touched with this, "On that light, let me just mention that some of the former ecstacy addicts I know, conquered their addiction by starting a stable relationship." Actually, me and my boyfriend, truly agrees. It's been a while since the last time we had it. Despite that, there is no indication though of stopping, totally. But hey, no thoughts neither of popping in the soon future.

Xoxo,
Parteeboi

minimalhouseaddict remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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There are days, when you wake up and everything isn't at all right. And your day would seem to continue wrong until it ends. I hate days like that. Those are the days when you tend to resent your recent big decisions, and even bothered by the small ones.

I just changed job, it is a promotion. I now receive better pay, better title, and better incentives, of course, supposedly, more responsibilities. However, I'm missing the challenge and I'm feeling stagnated. On the other hand, it is true that making friends starts at zero. My only glory at the end of the day is my red lanyard and the respect from more people, and on top of those? Nothing else.

If I cannot convince myself that my days will get better, I would think that it would be nicer to go home to Davao and drown myself into my old bed, old pillows and my old blankets. I'd rather lazy around all day, and I’ll wait for my mom to call me for every meal. But of course, I cannot do that as I please. It's true though that every tear will pay off, at the right time.

I guess, I'm a fighter who chooses his battles carefully. I tend to spend my energy on things which matters more. It is hard sometimes, because it takes a lot of anger management, patience, perseverance and a lot of thinking.

If ever my decisions are wrong, God is fair enough to make me correct them and for me to make the best out of my misfortunes.

Decisions remains copyright of the author parteeboi, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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