Gay Travel

It was our Christmas Party last December 7, 2008. It was a lot of fun!!! Like to the max fun!!! I had a blast. I never expected our party to be that spectacular! The theme for this year’s party is Broadway, and so every department will present a 10-minute production of their chosen Broadway play. Of course, I’m part of our department’s number. I was one of the dancers. Our Broadway presentation was Mamma Mia. Here is the best part, we won second place. Our big bosses were so impressed that we are going to perform again for the big bosses’ Christmas party on Monday at Intramuros. I am so excited.

In every event, my most favorite part is the outfit. I almost spent all my 13th month pay for my outfit. It was an outfit I painstakingly sought for 12 hours of walking, and reserving, and analyzing, and a lot of fitting. It was horrible. But, it was all worth it.

After the party, we went to Tiananmen and drank our livers out. Then we spotted this guy in the corner and we thought that the guy was gay. And these naughty officemates of mine dared me to get the guy’s number for no prize. I was deceived. Anyway, I texted the guy and he was so polite, only to know that he is straight. He was only being nice and polite through our texting because he wants to ask for my girlfriend’s number. Asa pa xa.

Picture... picture...

Here are my girlfriends -- Mai, Me, and Mae

Me and True Friend Mae

This was during our Mamma Mia number, nasaan ako? Ahehehe.

Eto ang mga DIET Trainers, hindi talaga sila ganyan sa totoong buhay. Kulang pa yan ng dangling earrings at red wine. Hehehe. Normal day lang yong ganun.

Lasing na ako. Dami champagne, wine and beer. Sarap!

Nawawala yong name tag ko. Nasa floor na pala.

The amerikana in the center is our CEO, Theresa Hartsaw. Tatlong beses siyang nagbihis that night.

Partee on at Tiananmen!

Hanapin niyo yong crush ko. Ahehe. Pre-party.

Si Leah ang may pinakamalaking susu sa DIET. May pangalan sila, si Lala (right) at si Lulu (left). Si Russ, bading.

At eto yong tumalo samen. Lion King. May broadway pala na ganun?

Hi December. Welcome!

I am not ok. Again, crying… Why is it so hard to love? Or, even to figure out myself? Who am I? My relationships are wrecks because I don’t know what I want and I don’t know sometimes if I am even capable.

I’m crying about Guy 1. Is this karma? It was my sub-conscious plan to play with him. Keep it real and tough, make him beg for monogamy, but look at me now… I am crying… I am hurting…

Do I love Guy 1? At the time when, maybe, I am going to lose him? I am not ready… I have been hurting Guy 1 and now he is full of my shit.

He walked out on me, expressed all his dismay. I have been complaining to myself that I am always frustrated. Or, was I just expecting too much? I have been a bitch. I was in my bitchiest. I thought he is just disposable. But, he isn’t.

Now I’m hurting. Now I’m crying. Now I’m confused. I am so pathetic.

Look at me… All by myself… Emotional… Sipping a tall glass of vodka. I am hurting myself. I am just helpless. I have no one now… I am alone.

I just checked my phone… He texted… He said, “Sleep tyt babe luv u…” I don’t know what to say anymore… Sobbing is all that I can do. It seems like the only thing that I am capable of right now. I didn’t know that I have these lots of tears to cry.

Maybe he doesn’t realize how I am hurting right now.

Yey! I have a 2009 Starbucks Planner already. I got it as a gift for my birthday. Paul gave it to me. No matter how, in a way, hated, in a way, my birthday I got one of the things that I want this year on my birthday.

It was Pope Clement 1 day in the Roman Catholic Calendar of Saints; Alexander Nevsky's feast day in the Russian Orthodox Church; St. George's Day in Georgia; Kinro kansha no hi (Labour Thanksgiving Day) in Japan; Rudolf Maister Day in Slovenia; and it was my BIRTHDAY yesterday! How time runs fast. Look at my BIRTHDAY last year.

It turned out well, not that totally eventful. I had to ask people to greet me. I had to ask people to have a drink with me. I had to ask for everything. But, nevertheless, I am grateful that it didn't become a total disaster. But, I didn't get a cake, I didn't get a massive greeting, and I didn't get that much presents. All in all, it was ok.

I woke up at 11 p.m., the day before and I felt a very lonely. So I went to Timog to meet Paul and some friends. We went to a bar called "Butterfly" owned by one of Paul's friends and there was a fight so we ended early. I thought, I only finished a bottle so I invited them to go to Malate and I finished another 3 bottles of beer at O Bar. Guy 1 and Guy 2 were there.

Cliff cooked "tinolang manok" after we woke up. It was sumptuous. In the afternoon, I went to church with Paul. I prayed and thanked Him for another wonderful year. Then we watched a movie, "Burn After Reading" at Greenbelt 3. I know it was funny and maybe it could have been interesting if I didn't fall asleep. Maybe because of my medication. I was sick on my birthday. But, I ate, for the first time, a "Beach Muscle" hotdog. It was yummy.

I am 25 and I don't feel young anymore. I thought I experienced a sudden paradigm shift. I thought I view life so differently now. I saw this rent-to-own condo unit for 7K monthly amortization through Pag-ibig with a 30-year term and I can't believe I spent a generous amount of time thinking, if should get myself a condo unit already. I thought I am really getting old.

Although, I thank God for those people who had really find time to greet me. You all made my day! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Happy Birthday to Me.

Not my year… totally not my year.

I reap the wastes of my negligence and my stupid charade. I suffer extremely. I almost give up. But hey, I still stand. I recollect, introspect, rationalize and realize all my misfortunes and shortcomings. I had a blast of shameful demeanors and inglorious habits in my 2007. It is payback time.

Am I ready? Not really, but I will make it through.

The year is almost over and I am very positive that my 2009 will be a different one. I will become more responsible, more reasonable, wiser, braver and better.

I know I am resilient, so I don’t worry if I cry. I am capable of bringing back the balance as the new year commences. I stand strong.

I will be stronger for myself, for my family and for the people who look up to me. I will inspire them more and will continuously do so.

I am Juber, and I will fight.

I have trust issues. I don’t trust the people around me anymore. I always think that I am at the losing side. I am the deceived, the unwanted and the least important.

Only sometimes, I am awarded with a little consolation. They befriend me, the euphemize (a lot), they think I am very fragile and has very puny threshold to criticism, anger, rejection and blunt confrontation. And, I think I am.

I feel that I now control only a meager part of my sanity. I am a big fat paranoid. I am always scared, I am always helpless. Those situations that I thought I have survived from are in absoluteness, irrelevant and shallow.

Why do I think of myself this way? I still want to do a lot of things, especially good ones. I want to do things that could make a positive change; a change that is visible in the many; something worthwhile and truly noble. However, am I really capable of executing such desires? Do I have the capability and the strength? I think of myself so feebly. My self-regard is beyond the abyss of the pit of inferiority. And, I can’t help it.

Am I insane? I don’t want to go crazy. I still want to do good deeds. But, how am I going to carry those things out if my sanity has given up? How?

I will pray to God, that He will give me enough courage and confidence to continue with my life righteously. I want to do it; I am very eager and passionate.

So help me God. Help me realize that these are just trials. Help me believe that I am still capable, and I still can fight.