Philippines

I've been to this "Marlboro Red Eye Breakfast" last Saturday at Metro Phi Bar, Metrowalk Ortigas. I expected it to be an elite gathering of beautiful and famous people like seeing Angel Aquino, Phomela Beranda, Borgy Monotoc and the likes but it was only a so-so.

At least, the breakfast buffet was free. So, I ate my breakfast in Ortigas last Saturday. I got this cool, I'm not so sure if it was a special edition for the event only, metal lighter which came for free if you bought two packs of any Marlboro variant. Well, at least another social gathering for the invited only.

I was with my Daddy Donna, Mommy Cynthia, Billy, Tatay Deyk, Ninang, Darlene, Lex and Moja. I don't know if I really had fun. But, it was something not everyone has the chance to attend. So, I guess... I felt previleged.

The guys that I was with of course do partee. The music was totally BV. As in pinoy alternative and R&B. That is why no wonder Deyk didn't mind about eating and just puffed his Winston lights all the way at the lobby where the foods were arrayed. In fairness, the omelet was yummy. These guys are indeed not used with those type of music. A Whose Your Daddy could have made our day. So, after some of us finished our plates we hurriedly proceeded and claimed our souvenirs. Coolness. It's a tin cup with light brown leather cover, detailed with Marlboro insignias, like very cowboy. Not to mention the invitation. It is a circled fork, which looks like just a bracelet, and a tag with the texts on it.

So while we were outside, Deyk got himself a Starbucks and some pastries and that was his breakfast already. After a short while I decided to go and while in the taxi back to Makati my Ninang texted me that Marco came. As if I care.

Marco is my ex, period.

Now, I'm a wiser addict. I know when to drop more and when to stop. To make sure a good, fantastic hit. I'm sorry to have published this, I hope no one minor could read.

Observation 1. I notice during a first drop, specially when the tab is kind of questionable -- there are tabs that never fail a hit and some that are just as completely disappointing -- that even if you took the whole tab, you will not reach a full hit. There are even times when a hit doesn't come at all. Blech!

When an available tab is weak, drop initially only a half of it. It is economic and yields the same effect. Well, it is either you get a questionable hit, a hit that is going to make you question whether it was psychosomatic or real or no hits at all. The feast is when you take the FU (follow up), maybe after 2 hours. What I normally do is, I will drop the half around 3 am or 4 am and normally inhouses commence at 5 am or 6 am, then I will take the FU. That is personally tested, that you will get high and get a hit. Then, if I have more money to spend I will buy another tab, either take 'em half and half or drop it whole.

Observation 2. I got this tip from my nursing student partee buddy. She said that, specially when you are dropping one whole tab, to swallow the half and let the other half stand under your tongue, where numerous nerve endings are located plus, it is the part of the body that has the thinnest integumentary. Let the tab dissolve a bit, like letting it stand for a minute and then drink it up with Red Bull or water.

Observation 3. Red Bull. Nothing compares a bottle of Red Bull aiding to reaching a good hit.

Observation 4. Never partee when your tummy is empty. If you ate before you partee the more chances of getting a good hit. I advise, after 2 to 3 FU's to rest a little bit, eat a lot and you are ready again for a mind-blowing hits.

Observation 5. Orange Clover is the best. But right now, Pink Wand and Red Hook are the good enough. Pink Disney, well, yeah but you have to make all the necessary effects -- 1 to 2 bottles of Red Bull and/or a booze.

Observation 6. If you think the tab can't raise your hits up, then indulge in alcohol. You will appreciate it because, when you have hits though minimally appreciated, alcohol--beer, gin-- will taste like water and smoking is like the third best thing to do in the world if not the second.

Observation 7. The hits vary. A concoction of a week of good sleep and good eating pattern, half Pink Disney thrusted by a bottle of Red Bull and a cool room temperature and a whole Red Hook FU is GV! Read it again... GV! Super "duper" GV guys! I felt like I love all living things and all mankind. I can't contain my happiness that I almost wanna cry that I am uber overwhelmed. But after the hits is gone, your sadness is abysmal.

Observation 8. I can't stop it.

I can't exactly remember since when I got single. I can recollect, but can't find a time. I just feel like it has been too long already since the last that I was in a serious relationship, or at least I was serious. Now, every single day I am constantly hoping to find a partner. It sounds so desperate of me, but all I know this time around is that, I want a stable and serious relationship, with someone I truly like and who'll give me the joy and the attention I am always looking for.

I miss the smell of a boyfriend's chest. When I badly need a hug, sinking my face towards his chest, sniffing the smell of his shirt and feeling lump of his body.

I miss the warm breath in my neck. When you are embraced from behind and holding his hand that seems to say, don't let go yet and embrace me some more.

I miss the intimate conversation in the coffee shop. Where you can frown and smile together; steal some stare and laugh it out.

I miss the movie dates. Sharing popcorn and lemonade, hiding locked hands and miss his tight embrace until you get home together.

I miss the long torrid kisses. The kiss that keeps no inhibitions. The kiss that is full of passion, that without saying a word you exchanged I Love You's.

I miss the mushy text messages. The lingering I Love You's in your inbox, the morning greeting and the late good nights.

I miss a little of the arguments. When you both try to untangle some differences, ends with a compromise and getting used to new ways that works for the both of you. Make a little sacrifice and be happy with it.

I miss the cute planning together. Imagining big dreams in the early stage of your relationship and the drive it gives you as you make them come true together.

I miss being envied. Because your friends know you are happy.

I miss the proud feeling. That, mama will know him soon.

I miss the intimate dates. The us, the ours, the you and me and the contentment it brings to me.

I was about to go and end my day at a weird 5am. I decided to fax two more documents for my productivity and then I found my desk with a KitKat White on it.

It reminds me of someone and some others.

Thanks Generous!

So, congratulations to me. I only had half a tab this weekend. If only I have money to spend, I could have dropped more than a half. So, I guess I'm not yet changed at all.

Point five blue mushroom. The hits was there, somehow. With a lil help of my good friend inhaler, with eyes closed you still feel the my-head-is-rising feeling. A lil gag to heighten the hits, palpitation, deep breaths, REM and I am a bit solved for the day.

I hadn't had what I usually drop. It was lame but somehow a lil fun! The tab was only free, a generous friend just surprisingly asked if I like, then the hell I have no second thoughts. I grabbed the pill, and bit it into half but technically 3/4 to be exact.

The tab isn't exactly how it actually looks like. The color in the picture is somewhat reddish with hints of blue. The one I took was all blue but marked exactly the same. Check out cool tabs at www.ecstacydata.org.

I watched The Tyra Banks Show today and I saw this girl, her name is Merissa; addicted to cocaine, methampethamine, Xanax, Valium and marijuana because she is afraid to get fat.

"I would rather die than be fat."

I felt sorry for her and for myself too. Shortly I realized that I went through a stage when I so enjoyed the fact that I am losing weight. And, that was when I started using ecstacy. I lost my tummy so fast I that I didn't even notice. No sweat plus the fun! I thought of not stopping to maintain my weight and even shed more pounds.

Until I saw people's looks like saying I am very ugly already. The feeling of rejection made me realize that I was losing weight way too much. I look unhealthy, weak and sickly. In fact, I catch colds and cough every now and then. I just recently developed sensitivity in my eyes which gets me red eyes every Sunday morning after the partee. So uncool.

Things aren't really going so well, so... wish me luck!